I understand, Ginny.

Hello Blogger. It's been some time; I know.  I apologize, for lack of material,  but in my defense nothing of large importance, or interest has happened. Or nothing worth blogging for that matter.
In a sense I've been questioning who I am. Well.. not really who I am, but what I am. Actually no to be more clear, I've been fearing what/who I am. For years I've considered myself a Gryffindor ( I know what you're thing *blehhh omg Mimi and Harry Potter again*) but in all seriousness, as any Harry Potter fan, we've all sorted ourselves into houses at a young age, and have been dedicated to whichever particular house we believed to belong in. As a child, I always considered myself to be a Gryffindor for various reasons, but I also believed I had some strong Slytherin qualities. Some that could rival with the Gryffindor ones really, but in the end Gryffindor was the only one that seemed to fit. (Not even the fan-made 'Slythendor' seemed right). And I've been content with that.

But as any Potterhead would know, Pottermore is among us. When a person gains entry into Pottermore you get a wand given to you, and you 'go to Hogwarts' and get sorted. In that sorting, you're given a quiz, written by J.K Rowling herself, which would determine which house you belong to. After you are chosen into a house, that is it. There's no turning back. You must accept that house because it was designed for no mistakes. It is the ultimate sorting. Not some random online quiz where the answers are obvious.

What I'm fear is being told I'm not something I thought I was.

In my heart and mind I know I'm a Gryffindor. But what if that's otherwise? What if I'm a Ravenclaw? or worse a hufflepuff. (I mean no offense to Hufflepuffs, but I have very few hufflepuff traits that would just be a nightmare come true)

For example my Gryffindor traits that apply to me would include: 'Daring, Impulsiveness, Passion, Honesty, Loyalty, Impatience, Stubbornness, Nerve etc,

Slytherin: Ambition, Cunning, Shrewdness, Strong Leadership, Self preservation (sometimes) etc.

Ravenclaw:  Creativity, Individuality, Intellect, and resourcefulness (which is also a Slytherin trait)

Hufflepuff: Loyalty. That's it.

In the end , when I've outweighed all these traits and qualities I've always felt like a Gryffindor. Always. I'm just afraid of 10 years of being a Gryffindor to just disappear. I'm just so proud if belonging in this house. ..but I guess I'll never know until I get sorted.

But I guess on the bright side, it's just like those kids in the books who wait years dreaming of hogwarts, waiting to get sorted, just like we're waiting. The same anticipation. The same curiosity. The same feelings.

I hope this whole Pottermore thing is all worth it.

Perks, and Broken Bones. : "I hope its the kind of second side that he can listen to whenever he drives alone and feel like he belongs to something whenever he's sad"

This morning, (or rather yesterday morning) when I looked at the date on my mobile, I couldnt figure out why 8/11 seemed so vaguely familiar.. All throughout the day it was like a welling up mystery in my mind that was on the tip of my toungue. All I knew was that 8/11 seemed to harbor some sort of importance or significance in my life, and I couldn't put my finger on what it was. But instead of asking anyone (like the unbearably independent person I am) I swallowed up my curiosity, left the thought to the back of my head, and went on with my day.  Incidentally later that day, I decided to lo through a bunch of ticket stubs I've collected over the years, in a box that I keep hidden in one of my shelves, containing memorable keepsakes of my adolescent life. As I was skimming through, I came across a ticket stub for warped tour dated August 11, 2010. It was then that I realized that a year ago today (technically yesterday) that I had broken my right clavicle, crowd surfing at Warped Tour, and spent the whole day in the hospital, in Pamona.

I only mention this because its strange that even though I took no note, or even bothered to remember the date of this event, my sub conscience would choose to remind me of the years' past event. Bizarre isn't it? I'm not very surprised though, because I do consider that being a day of large importance, because it ultimately messed up my entire summer, but enough negativity.

I've been reading this book, 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky. I feel like mentioning it because I've absolutely fallen in love with it. It's such a charming, honest, beautiful book. This character, Charlie, the things he says, or rather narrates is so immeasurably profound and mind boggling. Its refreshing. The author has definitely done a great job writing it, and I'd recommend it to anyone.


Here are just a few of my favorite quotes:

 ”Dear friend,
I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn’t try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. Please don’t try to figure out who she is because then you might figure out who I am, and I really don’t want you to do that. I will call people by different names or generic names because I don’t want you to find me. I didn’t enclose a return address for the same reason. I mean nothing bad by this. Honest.
I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn’t try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist.
I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive and appreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength and friendship and it’s that simple. At least that’s what I’ve heard.
So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”

“And in that moment, I swear, we were  infinite.”

“I am very interested and fascinated by how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other.”

“Sam and Patrick looked at me. And I looked at them. And I think they knew. Not anything specific really. They just knew. And I think that’s all you can ever ask from a friend.”

“Sometimes, I look outside, and I think that a lot of other people have seen this snow before. Just like I think that a lot of other people have read those books before. And listened to those songs. I wonder how they feel tonight.

In one part of the book, this character Charlie mentions he's giving his friend Patrick a mix tape for his secret santa gift. It got me thinking of how considerate, and thoughtful receiving a mix tape would be. Just imagine, a whole disk of selected music created in intentions for you. It just seems so lovely to have a person say 'hey, I bet this person would enjoy this song, and this song reminds me of the time when this person and I..., or this song makes me think of this person'. I've always wondered if anyone ever thinks of me when their listening to  music. I don't know, I would just be so gracious if I ever got one, that's all.

Anyway sorry to leave with such incomplete thoughts. I haven't been sleeping well this past week and I think I should head to bed, except knowing me, I'll give up and probably be back online in 20 minutes, but I'll be in no fit state to write flowingly, as the above example shows.

Lets have a contest. How dull was your day?

The last two or three days have, you guessed it, been uneventful to say the least. Mostly I have just been catching up on reading and studying for a permit test that I have to take on Monday, (Yes I realize I'm three years late on that but driving is over rated anyway.)

Yesterday (Friday) Tina, my Mother and I went over to Glendale to go dress shopping for my cousin's wedding that will be taking place on September 4th. We shopped for hours in a multitude of different shops and I was literally unsatisfied with every dress that I tried on. I guess I'm just a little fastidious about what I like to wear. In the end both Tina and I picked up 'back up' dresses, in case we couldn't find any later, when we try going shopping again. My back up was long, silver, mermaid dress. Tina's is similar to mine but the design and all in all structures of both dresses differentiated greatly. Her's was red btw. After we bought the dresses, we ate Panda Express (well I did. My mother and sister hate chinese) and scuffled home. When we arrived I decided to film a vlog for youtube and worked on that for the rest of the night.

Today, which is a Saturday, was spent in boredom. I woke up around 12ish and went to my Dad's house with my Brother and Sister. We were there until 4 eating Pizza and grapes (weird combination right?) and watching movies. DURING WHICH I SAW A COMMERCIAL FOR HOME ALONE II MY FAVORITE MOVIE EVER. Anyway, after that we basically just went home. (which means all I've done from then on was read 'Wuthering Heights' and edit the vlog I filmed last night with the somewhat incompetent windows movie maker) . Its uploaded by the way, but I don't see a reason to link it here.

Anyway, Tina is bugging me to give her some attention; She wont leave me alone. I cant even proof read this.
So here's to being a nice sister and signing off early.

Bye Bye. :)

Obstacles.

This summer, has been extremely uneventful. For the last few days all I have been doing is running errands, chores, and killing time. I have absolutely no purpose for this summer that I can fulfill. I have no money to spend on the things I need/want,  no means of transportation to go anywhere on my own, and I have way too much free time then I know what to do with.

Its frustrating that I have so many goals, SO many projects that have yet to be started, but I lack all the proper resources to start any of them. Its unbearable and irritating when I KNOW I can achieve and do so much for myself, but because of the silly and frivolous obstacles around me, I cant do any of it.

For example, for a few of the projects I want to start, I'd need money right?
Okay well asking my Mom for cash isn't going to work because she rarely gives me pocket money, so even then saving is out of the option.

So whats my other option? I could get a job.
Oh no, but wouldn't I need a resume? Okay, no problem I have one written, EXCEPT I DON'T HAVE A STUPID PRINTER TO PRINT IT OUT.

And even if I could get it printed, I'd still have to battle with the odds of someone hiring me, but even THEN, I cant work because of college, and my current living arrangements. 

Perhaps if I had a car?
Wouldn't work. I have no license.

Even if I had a license, I'd still have to worry about paying for insurance, other car payments, and gas, which unluckily leads to my lack of income and need of a job.

And this is but ONE example.

Understand my dilemma?

Its quite the vicious circle, if you think about it.